Monday, January 26, 2015

A Widow's Take on #AmericanSniper: For #TayaKyle, #milspouses, #Vetspouses and #GoldStarWives Everywhere

American Sniper--a painfully beautiful "slice of life" look into the lives of a truly noble American Warrior Family.
My "flashback" wasn't inspired by bullets flying, but watching as the heartbroken family left behind sits grave side and jumps at the shots fired to the 21 gun salute... 

The tears flow freely as Taps is played with the melancholy sound of the bugle...

Our Nation's glorious flag being expertly folded over a casket... 

And reverently handed to the surviving widow who is trying like hell to keep what shred of emotional composure she has left within her being....

That experience still hits too close to home for comfort...

Still another "flashback" came when this scene was portrayed... being told by my Soldier that "if something happens to me, you'll be alright. You're strong. You'll find someone else."
Words meant to be a comfort by my cherished love who was soon to deploy.
Words that made me want to scream, "I don't want to be the strong one, but you leave me no choice!"
Words that made me wish I could have loved a man who wasn't an Earth Angel chosen to face evil courageously head on and possibly die to protect the rest of us...
And then realizing if he was anyone but who he was, my soul wouldn't have knit together so perfectly with his...and this love that runs so unconditionally wouldn't have blossomed within my heart.
Neither would any other Military or Veteran Spouse I know...or Police or Fire wife for that matter.

Ladies...Taya might have been the one portrayed on that screen, but each and every one of us...even those who chose to break our own hearts and divorce our love for our own and our children's safety because our husband was so lost in the darkness of PTSD... (because those women love their warrior still)

Do you realize you are the embodiment of unconditional love?
Do you realize how utterly special you are to have been chosen for the mission of loving a warrior...a protector?
Do you see how this mission is just as dangerous as dodging those bullets because part of that mission is carrying on when your heart and soul have been blown to bits in the wake of losing the love of your life?
...a burden much heavier than any ruck sack or weapon on the planet...and we are called to do so with grace, dignity and this silent strength that we so often curse within us.... 
A strength our warrior spouse felt--most likely right before he allowed his eyes to fall on your beautiful self...and this strength is why he loves us.
There is no tab or medal for this mission.

Only empty casings from a 21 gun salute, a neatly folded flag, pictures and beautiful memories will remain long after we've been thanked for our husbands service...long after his precious smell has faded from his clothes...
There is no school to teach us the skills we need...everything is hands on, real world experience with some very hard lessons to learn.
There is no monument dedicated to "our kind"...but ladies. ..
You inspire the world.
You embody beautiful, unconditional agape love.
You are the glue that holds this world together...that go on and hold on long after "normal" gals would just give up.
And more than salute Taya and the rest of my Spouse sisters...
I bow on bended knee in honor of your silent sacrifices and indescribable strength.

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